This week on Random Access Memories, I’m diving into my conversation with Schellman CEO Avani Desai. Avani has gone from hands-on penetration tester to privacy leader, chief marketing officer, president and ultimately CEO. But this wasn’t really a conversation about job titles. We talked about the sacrifices, painful compromises, why leaders should actively try to make themselves irrelevant, and why company culture means absolutely nothing unless leaders are prepared to live it.

Let’s get into it →

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Success is what you do when nobody is watching.

Avani’s parents sacrificed everything to create opportunities for their daughters. Their lesson wasn’t about making money. It was about doing the right thing, even when nobody notices.

Reinvent yourself before someone else does.

You don’t need to leave your company to grow. Avani has reinvented herself every few years, moving from penetration testing to CEO by embracing discomfort instead of avoiding it.

Rest isn’t a reward. It’s part of performance.

We wear exhaustion like a badge of honour. Avani believes the best leaders recover like elite athletes and build cultures where taking time off is expected, not apologised for.

Your job is to make yourself irrelevant.

Many leaders measure success by how indispensable they are. Avani argues the opposite. Great leaders build teams that thrive without them.

You can build a career without sacrificing your family.

After seeing her son fewer than 50 days in his first year, Avani completely changed her approach to leadership. Success isn’t just what you achieve at work—it’s also who you are when you get home.

Your calendar tells the truth about your priorities. For years, Avani chased career success at the expense of everything else. Then she became a mother. She admits that in her son’s first year she saw him “less than 50 days the whole year” and realised something had to change. Today, she protects her evenings, refusing meetings between 5pm and 9pm, because “that’s family time.” She believes you can build an incredible career without sacrificing your family, but only if you’re willing to set boundaries, say no and be fully present wherever you are. As she puts it, “You can be 100% at work and 100% at home.”

Your company will replace you in weeks. Your children will remember for the rest of their lives whether you were there or not. Choose wisely.

This week’s podcast with Avani Desai couldn’t have come at a better time.

We spent an hour talking about family, balance and her belief that succeeding at work will never replace failing at home. A few weeks later, Izzy and I jumped on a train to London for a daddy-daughter weekend. Before we left, I made her one promise. No work.

For three days we have watched The Lion King, laughed through a teppanyaki dinner, had afternoon tea, explored London’s parks and spent far too much money shopping. She’s asleep now in our hotel room while I quietly write this newsletter in the dark, keeping the promise I made. She got the best version of me today. Work gets whatever is left tonight. It reminded me that balance isn’t about working less. It’s about protecting what matters most.

Memories beat meetings:
In ten years’ time Izzy won’t remember what I published this weekend. She’ll remember Simba walking onto the stage, catching prawns from the teppanyaki chef and pedalos on the lake. Your inbox has a short memory. Your children don’t.

Protect time before work takes it:
Family time doesn’t appear by accident. It has to be defended. Avani blocks every evening for her family. This weekend reminded me that saying no to work is often saying yes to something much more important.

Recovery isn’t doing nothing. It’s doing what matters:
We often think recovery means sleeping, switching off or taking annual leave. Sometimes recovery is laughing with your daughter, wandering around London without a plan and making traditions you’ll both remember forever. The best way to recover from work isn’t always to escape life. Sometimes it’s to spend more time living it.